badcreepypastafandomcom-20200214-history
I use to be an ign writer
the following is an excerpt from an ign article posted on july 21st 2016: ___________________sonic.EXE REVIEW______________________ So sega recently called me and my buds down to their headquarters for an exclusive tour of there headquarters. yeah I hate sega and everything about them because their fanbase is shit and if you like sonic or sega then your a fagoli who should leave the internet because I say so, agree with my opinions. we decided to go down to waifu land anyway because I was feeling nostalgic, which is wierd in retrospect considering s o n i c h a s n e v e r b e e n g o o d. so we arrive there and we get to play the upcoming sonic mania. its some stupid 8 bit outdated remake game thats probably trying to cash in on peoples memories, if you like anything that isnt %100 new, then your a hipster and I hate you. granted I only played the game for a few seconds before I punched the head developer in the face but the fact people garner a connection to material things like video games is sad evidevidence of the level of this society, wake up folks from the deep sleep or go back to the trees and start again... did i mention how much smarter I am than everyone else. Anyway I was kicked out by the swine that run sega and I got lost in the anime ridden streets of china. i ended up in an area called Roppongi, a lot of people were staring at me and saying things like "baka gaijin" I think they were complimenting my good looks. then this guy who just happened to know every launguage known to man pulled me aside into a dank ally. he quietly handed me a disc and started explaining to me how he was a satanist who really loved sonic. upon hearing that (talikng about the liking sonic part) I ran from him screaming. later my buds found me in an anime store drunk off saki, all I can remember is my freinds taking the disc from me before i passed out. and now im back in america and I have no idea where my friends are. recently I recieved the disc in the mail from an unknown adress. I cringed seeing the sonic name on the disc, I put the disc in the pc, yes its a disc. no one buys physical games anymore because they suck, if you disagree STFU, gaming is about having zero interaction with the outside world. I launched the game and it loaded into the title screen then something flashed before the character select loaded up. only tails was unlocked which is stupid considering that the title of the game is SONIC. I started in the greenhill zone and just started waking for a long time, no enemys at all, AND ITS SO BOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNG, is this how stupid kids are that we cant have hard games anymore. WHEN I WAS A KID WE HAD TO PHYSICALLY HARM OURSELVES TO BEAT LEVELS AND I BEAT LEVELS HARDER THAN I BEAT MY BOY PARTS. then i see some dead animals or something, this game is trying to cash in on gore. this game does not know what it wants to be at all. then i see sonic and tails starts walking torwards him, this engages a boss battle where your chased by sonic. the game is very glitched out and I couldnt beat it. they should've made it easier. and then sonic kills tails or something. then I unlocked knuckles, the same thing happens no enemy's, annoying unbeatable boss battle thats it. then the same happens when i unlock robotnik and then sonics face jumpscare's me, im still triggered that anything would use a jumpscare so i imedeatly smashed my keyboard. but then i looked at the screen and saw a message in japanese. the game really sucked, but I soon realized my worst fear, I turned around and saw a wierd sonic plushy.I started hyperventilating at the display of a fucking sonic plushy on my desk. I threw my monitor at it as i screamed at the top of my lungs, then i grabed a cross and shouted "BY GOD GET OUT OF MY HOUSE CRINGY DEMON" i then heard frantic knocking at my door, thats when i realized how late it had gotten as it was now 9:00. I looked out the peep hole and saw my friend who had been missing for months since the japan trip. i let him in and he told me about how som satanic man kidnaped him and killed the others to summon some "sonic demon" he looked into my room and just started screaming at the top of his lungs as he was pulled into the room by the plush. the door slammed behind him and i heard fighting sounds, a gunshot was heard and everything stopped. i ran out my house and realized every house in my neighborhood was ingulfed in flames. what was I talking about again? oh yeah, the game. it sucks I hate it a lot. and you better agree or im hacking you. Im not telling you where i am now, because I like to be mysterious. so i still have the game disc and I want to get rid of it, so im sending it to my looser friend tom, hes a stupid sonic fanboy who I only pretend to be friends with. I'll mail it to him and make it sound like im in danger so he will think im dead and stop blowing up my phone. well im glad nothing bad has happennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn bxcjhdx ylekgy,'.nhiub;wnOPBYVDSA bcdkjhf dbzNSXAJKCbfcndewmecivof bhdsjja fifn mnhk qjknca 'er/vc rt ty 01100110 01101111 01110101 01100111 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101001 01110110 01100101 /:kill_post___________imveryS E X Y__________.exetxtjpgmp3 oh god helpdh cdehweew cid me3213e233232765r53e25df1 Category:BCP Category:Gamepasta Category:Troll pasta